I Kill Her

This is my 4,000th post.

I've decided to quit the aul blog.

I might call bullshit on this decision and not be able to do without it and keep blogging tomorrow, but probably not. I have been thinking about it for a while, and have almost done it on a few occassions over the last while, but I made a decision last night to just do it, especially after working through my feelings about de-blogging my life with Lili and FionnTimes.

There are LOADS of reasons for this decision. It's probably a bit wanky to work them out on this post, but then again in and around 1,000 people come to this blog every day, so I should probably explain to all of y'all who read and comment on UnaRocks parts of my thinking.

I want to feel what it's like not to be a blogger. I've been doing this since 2005.

I'm sort of sick of the obligations and constraints I feel about it, like thinking "oh, I have to blog that, I must do that."

I'm writing a book at the moment and I need time out to concentrate on that.

I think I've grown out of it. It's my 26th birthday next week. I've never been really comfortable with the persona that has grown out of how I blog. It's my own fault, of course, this whole 'UnaRocks' thing. When I was talking to Lili about it last night, she understood, she said that she could see how people misread me and mistake the personality that emerges from this blog as my actual self. I'm not at ease with that, and I never have been. But then again, that's my own fault, because I suppose that's how I've put myself across. I can totally understand how people would think I'm a self-promoting, ligging little dickhead, although I would like to think that I'm not really.

Although the blog has allowed me to get a few gigs or whatever, and has been like a seperate title ("journalist AND blogger") I sometimes wonder *dons Carrie Bradshaw mask* how it may have actually hindered me in ways. This blog is very bitty and instant. I am a better writer, a more serious person, a deeper thinker, and more professional than it suggests. I think that rarely shines through because of whatever format or voice I have created. That kind of concerns me.

So.

I will probably return to the blogging world in some form or another (or maybe even to UnaRocks), but for now, this is over. That might change, but that's where my mind is at at the moment. There are a couple of online projects floating around in my head, so I'll probably do those instead and avoid any sort of personal platform like this again, because I think it has run its course. And then there's The Book, which I have a lot of work to do on. I'm sure you can keep up with all these boring adventures on Twitter!

So yeah, I guess it's a big decision really. Even sort of emotional. I've made some great friends through blogging, and met some awesome people. And I've learnt a lot. I've had some great scraps and good laughs and fun discussions. But I'm looking forward to a little sense of freedom that will hopefully come from this. It's not that my heart isn't in it anymore, it's just that it's a nagging thing in my head that won't go away, and I've always been one for just fucking making decisions and then dealing with the fall out as it comes. Anyway, it's hardly that dramatic!

I just feel like stepping away from it for a while.

I hope I have contributed something to the blogging community, although I'm not quite sure what that is. All I know is that for some reason the number of people who read this grew and grew over a period of time, and that was always so weird to me and I never knew what to do about it apart from keep blogging...

Finally, I just want to thank everyone who stopped by and read a post, or commented, or slagged me off, or bigged me up, or gave me advice, or mailed me about stuff, or linked me, or talked about the blog, or liked it, or hated it. It has been real. The SoundCheck blogs and JacksGraff will continue. Also, I'd like to ask for an easy ride if I decide that I can't live without my addiction and come back to UnaRocks!

You rock,

Una Mullally